i'll remember u - part 2

That was September 30th.

October 1st was good. I had fun with my dorm mates, who made excellent company. But my mind was adrift; there was nothing from the receptionist.

Eventually I told my mates about bus boy. B & J were confident that I would bump into him again, since the town was so small anyways, but I wasn't so sure. I mean, he could have left by now. He did say he wasn't gonna stay for long.

In any case, I was just enjoying my stay, and I planned on having a blast for the many days to come, with or without him.
*******
October 2nd, evening. 8pm

F changes into a fresh shirt, getting ready to meet his date. "What are you gonna do?" he asks.

"Well, I dunno..." I contemplate the possibilities in my head.

"You know, sometimes you have to put in some effort. Fate only does so much - the rest is up to you!" F urges. We laugh, because we both know it's so true.

"But I dunno his name. I don't even know where to start!"

I'm exasperated. But I wanna do something.

"Ok fine, F. You shall go for your date, and I shall go hunt for mine!" And I stand up, ready for a stroll. We smile at each other before we say our goodbyes and good luck's.

October 2nd, evening. 8.30pm

I come back to the hostel, defeated. There are many other guesthouses in the area, as I expected. Which one is he in?

I decide to try the receptionist. (But to be honest, I'm not hopefully at all.) I ask the sweet lady if there's a guesthouse nearby, and affirming what I already know, she says that there are a few in the area. We talk further, and I tell her about my search for a friend I know nothing about.

Crap, I thought.

"But hey, there's one guesthouse that we are in contact with. We send our guests there sometimes. I can try to give them a call, see if your friend is there. Do you know his name?" she inquires.

"Hmm nope. Just that he's mixed and he's from ... " (Well obviously the details were more detailed but I'm omitting them here.)

She dials for the hostel, and asks for a guy fitting the description I gave; I don't stop biting my lip. Then she nods toward me.

"REALLY?!" My eyes bulge and I'm in absolute disbelief. Oh my god, what are the odds?

She hangs up (sweet lady!), and writes me the address of the guesthouse, adding some brief directions. Apparently, the other receptionist also said that he returns late usually, and that he is going to leave real early the next day. (Bummer.)

I thank her profusely, and head up to grab my bag. While heading out, I see V, a lady I befriended just an hour before, and asks if she will like to take a walk. She agrees spontaneously, and we head out. I'm feeling heady already.

As we walk, I share everything with her.

October 2nd, evening. 9.00pm ++

V and I return to the hostel, feeling accomplished from the stroll, though we didn't manage to find the guesthouse.

"Never mind, V. It's no big deal," I told her earlier.

"No! You can't give up! You must look for him," she tried to convince me. I laughed. She was a real cheerleader.

"It's okay. You've walked long enough with me. I feel bad! Let's just head back. See, if we're meant to meet, we will. Something will happen that'll make that come true, somehow," I rationalised, but I wasn't feeling as confident as I sounded, that was for sure.

So here we are, trying to settle down, getting ready for our little chat session complete with orange juice.

"Oh wait, V. I totally forgot. I need to use the net for a while. Some reservations I have to re-confirm by today, I'm sorry," I tell her.

"No problem," she replies. She decides to take a shower first.

I sit myself at the shared computer booth, and start sending an email to my next hostel destination. While typing halfway, I hear someone enter the door, and start speaking to the receptionist, whom I'm back-facing.

"Hi, is there a girl from _____ staying in this hostel?" he asks. (Again, I'm dropping the specifics.)

Momentarily, it doesn't register. I'm sure i'm the only girl from my country in this entire hostel, but I don't think things can be this good... or can they?

"Yeah she's right there," she replies.

3 seconds pass. He stands next to me. "Hello," he says, smiling.

Oh my god kill me right now.

"Hello!"

********
October 3rd, 1am ++

We hung out and had a great time. I like him even more than before. Especially when he laughs. He's funny, not in the traditional funny sense, but he's funny. I think he's funny because he doesn't even try to be funny. Sometimes he sounds like an old wise man, and it cracks me up. He has a good heart. Behind his almost-serious disposition, what with his fact-listing about cars and countries, and his philosophies and beliefs, there is a hint of cheekiness. Subtle. Dormant?

We exchange email adds and a hug. I do hope we'll meet again.

'Cos I'll really like to know you better.

The end.

i'll remember u - part 1

Great, I think. Just great.

First some guy snatches my luggage away from me and demands money, and now the train isn't budging. And it has been that way for the last two hours or so. The passenger across me sighs in exasperation, and we continue chatting anyway.

Then it hits me - I'm never gonna reach the train station in time.

"Shucks, I have to make a phone call. I'm so dead," I tell him. And bingo! Turns out I was right, no idiot-proof pick-up service at the train station after 8pm. By the looks of this immobile train, I'll be lucky if I get there at all. But no, there is no way I'll be there before 9pm. I brace myself mentally for all the dangers I'm going to expose myself to, en route to the only safe haven I know in this foreign land. Who knows what lurks in the dark?

Great.
****
Finally. It was a torturous 3 hours. And here I am, weary and crabby, luggage in tow. The floor is glistening from the slight drizzle, the air a cool misty comfort.

I take it all in, and ask around for the directions to the bus-stop. I'm trying hard to make sense of the scribbling on my notebook - which bus to take, which direction, where to stop.

Okay, I can do this.

So I march, determined, and park myself in front of the bus stop. And I wait. The rain hits lightly, and gradually, it stops.

Then my bus arrives. My heart leaps when I recognise the number on the front. Thank you so much, I utter, a silent prayer of thanks to my guardian angel. Phew.

I drag my luggage up the bus, and survey around for the ticket machine I read about in the guidebook.

"Oh there it is," I say to myself, and inch over to the centre. Someone else is trying hard to punch his ticket too, so I guess I'm not the only traveller.

But he isn't very successful, it seems. I try my luck with the machine, too.

The lady at the front interjects this sad scene, telling us that the bus driver has turned the bus engine off and gone for a little break. Or something. At least this is what I think.

But, oh.

This is when I turn around and see him. My heart stops beating for 3 seconds, I think. It is a weird feeling, like a zap up your spine. He isn't drop-dead gorgeous, but he's just.. him. Okay fine, he is cute. I'm trying to place him in my memory. Have we met? I wonder. Obviously not. But it's that feeling, familiar yet foreign, like you know there's something when there's really nothing.

I am thinking too much.

"Where are you going to?" he asks. And I answer. He fishes out a crumpled piece of flyer, and shows it to me. "Yeah, I'm going there too. Which hostel are you staying at?"

Please let it be the same hostel.

And so the conversation continues. Along the way, we discover that we've got some pretty interesting similarities. And I am looking at him the whole time, trying to see him from different angles, wondering how one person can look like so many people at the same time.

*****
Fast-forward a little. That night ended not quite as expected. As it turned out, our hostels weren't quite the same. We walked up the hill, and I reached mine first, but he didn't know where his was. So without knowing his name, I decided to go into mine first, since the door was already open, but not before asking quickly if he would like to let me know where he would be. He asked me how he could do so, and I told him to come back when he found it, cos I'd be waiting. There was a slight drizzle then, I hurried in. I didn't know if he did come back, but I waited, like I said, right after I was done with the paperwork, and I never saw him. Urgh, I thought. I forgot about it, and retreated for a shower.

But it didn't end there.

-end of part 1.

mumblings of a dreamer/realist/modernist - this love

if you would allow me to indulge just once more,
i'll say it,
and i'll say it many times over:
my heart is with you
and it cradles the simple happy end
that once felt so true.

so through it is,
tell it to the heart that beats with yours
More pulsating
than the rage of the stormy seas.
oh, the rage
left the debris scattered along the shore
the debris which
got under my skin,
under my pores.

actually
these make no sense to me
i 'b'd the winamp playlist
while silently thinkin
"let the next song title be the definitive"
and on came Maroon 5
with "this love"
& so this love it shall always be.

Fleeting.

Right about now
I would have been laughing
To your sounds.
Yeah right about now.
I turned on the tap
Scalding hot water ouch
Oh it turned cold.

Back to you now.
It must be so easy for you.
Letting.. letting..
Yeah back to you now.
This time yesterday it sang
The heart chirped merry
Oh then it chipped.

I digressed.
Was this your love for me?
These fleeting moments.
Yeah I digressed.
How are you today?
You must be better
Better than yesterday.

Some time tomorrow
I wouldn’t be thinking about you
Right about now.
Yeah some time tomorrow.
Midnight would bring a new sun
The end of nothing
The start of

Everything.
Yeah, everything.

Hello, this feeling.

This feeling. There’s this swirl inside, and then the light-headedness. The heart palpitates. The sweat beads squeeze their way out of the pores. All smiles. The butterflies. The happiness of anxiety. The heart disengages from the age-old anchor. Freedom. The veins are re-energised; the senses recharged. You’re the anti-gravity, the catalyst.

But the mind resists. No, not now. Not ever. It’s the plunge before the waterfall. It could hit rock-bottom. Or it’ll be endless.

Oooh. Sticky.

in love with - The Afters

I've decided to do away with the whole 'Squashed' thing, since well, i doubt i'll have much of me left to do mixes/lists. Or maybe 'squashed' is too much a reminder of how things are these days. I don't love music any less, that's for sure. I just think life is getting to be more of an uphill climb lately. One of those periods in life when u feel like nothing's going right.

But griping aside.

I stumbled upon this song by The Afters just a couple hours ago. Pretty simple song, but i like it anyways. I know i haven't written for some time (uhhm, i think blogspot has a major part to play. i kinda contemplated switching to some other self-publishing sites for a while), so here's a lil sth to bring those squashed memories back.

The Afters - Ocean Wide

You're my signal fire.

"The perfect words never crossed my mind
Cos there was nothin' in there but you
I felt every ounce of me screaming out
but the sound was trapped deep in me

.. In the confusion and the aftermath,
You are my signal fire."

-Snow Patrol, Signal Fire (From the soundtrack of Spiderman 3)

One of the most beautiful songs ever. Gets me everytime the credits roll.

The Post-Apocalyptic World - 'The Day of the Triffids'

This has got to be the best sci-fi i've ever, ever read in my entire life. John Wyndham is a genius!The entire story unravels before you with stunning impact, as if you're right in the middle of it, and i'm tellin ya, it would totally make for an awesome hollywood blockbuster today (they actually did make a movie outta it in the 60's, and then a tv series in the 80's). The post-apocalyptic world, survival of the fittest, fear and paranoia, reinvention and rebuilding, heightened self-interest and self-preservation, continuity - u get the idea. Amazing how life could be so easily wiped out at such a great scale, and so swiftly at that.

John Wyndham - The Day of the Triffids

Still can't believe how randomly i chanced upon this book in the library. 3 reasons - 1. it was brand-new (i love brandnews!) 2. i absolutely adore the jacket. if i had the means & if books never turn yellow, i would without doubt indulge myself in the collection of all these books. 3. it's a penguin!(translate: usually pretty good stuff)

To more Wyndham, penguins & aesthetically-superior book covers!

Hmm now what would you do if the world ended tomorrow?

Happy 2009!

Hooray to better luck this year. Bad luck is so '08. shoo away now u pesky lil unlucky charms.

A new year also means new new year resolutions. Reinvention. New things to look forward to. Lists, lists and more lists. Not that the day ever matters - i love lists.

But this year, it's gonna be different. Old friends shall take even more presidence; no more hefty time investments in those people who don't matter and never will. Home and little priceless comforts and cosy little chats, mainstays. And those bad feelings? I'll just shut them out, as easily as I'm gonna shut out anyone/anything i shouldn't be worrying about. The closet geek in me shall be unleashed in full force.

Thanks to all my dear friends who've always been around to make me sane. It's so so so easy being with you guys. No need for censorship, no embarrassment, we don't even need a plan. we'd just talk, chill, and love life. the world is suddenly so safe and..the world suddenly cares.

Happy 2009 to y'all!

Revisiting teenhood.

Oh wow, i felt 17 again.

You know that when you're squealing to watch a teen vampire flick on a monday night at midnight, just so u don't end up watching it last in the entire universe.

And to be honest, the plot was kinda blah. But some scenes really stood out. Like chillin on top of a huge tree with you lover in tow and showin absolutely no sign of acrophobia. i mean - how??!But i must add, it was awfully romantic.

Most of all, it's the prom dance scene that got me melting. Gushing. It made Rob Pattinson (Edward) seem so suave. Frankly that gave him the extra gloss, on top of the whole vampire persona. (That's why no one quite bothered about him when he was Cedric in Harry Potter. )You wonder if girls think he's good-looking because he really is, or because of the whole whitey cakey vampire make-up. Every girl wants a bad boy these days.

And henceforth, I'm in love.

With Iron & Wine's Flightless Bird, American Mouth played thruout the prom scene, that is. (i like that part about a 'fat house cat'.)Apparently it's all thanks to Bella and her ipod that convinced the directors to go with this number for the scene.



I couldn't stop replaying that on my winamp yesterday. It suited my whole girlish teenage mode very well. And it went exceptionally well with Sophie Kinsella's 'Remember Me?' - u should try it some time, too.



Especially with that scene with tons of sunflowers in the balcony. I couldn't find a better background song.

Best of 2008 - The Therapy

So those people always swear by 'best of ' lists - or whatever lists, for that matter. They say it's good for the soul, makes you focus on the good stuff and so the positive energy inside you would rise to a new high, and u'll forget about the present state of shit momentarily.

Ok prophets, let's try it.

(Well, considering that end-of-the-year's my fave period anyway, there is some sorta unfair positive bias inherent in this lil experiment already, don't you think? and you already know i'm gonna end this entry off with some sorta "omg this is so totally therapeutic" crap.)

Ok here goes:
(To round up my awesome 2008, i shall focus only on the good things that happen to me 0.543% of the time. Do those yeasayers some justice.)

Favorite guys (not in any particular order, i think. Such a chore to rank the good stuff, dont u think?):-
1. James Franco (and whoever resembles him)
2. Tommy the cat
3. Oscar Wilde/Jason Mraz/John Mayer/the whole My Chemical Romance gang
4. Orlando Bloom?Shayne Ward?
5. The penguins in "March of the Penguins"
6. A couple of french people
7. A particular mystery friend

Favorite songs this year
1. I' m Yours - Jason Mraz
2. Shit this is tough, uhh..entire of John Mayer's new album. Wait, make it all his albums
3. Gronlandic Edit - Of Montreal
4. Snails - The Format
5. (u'v perhaps come to realise that this section is totally redundant cos my taste in music changes every other day and my memory of each song i love lasts only as long as the track duration reflected on Winamp.)
6. Here without you - 3 doors down ... still. i don't think i can get over this song - ever!
7. Collide - Howie Day..this too.
8. Between the lines - Sara Bareilles
9. Geez, whoever suggested this list thing obviously didnt like many things!!!
10. Brink of disaster - Mae
11. Fall for u - 2ndhand serenade
12. So much love - the rocket summer
13. Qui je suis - Kyo (i've no idea why!i could go on forever with this one)
14. The haunting - Anberlin
15. Okay this list doesn't end. Just browse thru the history of this blog and u can get a vague idea of my constantly shifting taste. So - next!

Favorite place visited this year
France, bien sur!

Favorite new friends this year
My colleagues - mostly those in the chicken shit club. love yallll
See also #7 in first list.

Favorite distractions
Guitar french travel planning chattingyakking running&thenbustingmyknee musicmusicmusic readingnovels musicmusicmusic eat&getfat then running&thenbustingmyknee sundaymornings and rainynights packingmywardrobe and organisingmybooks. friends. sounding like a geek. doing weird things. doing new things. doing many things. doing rubbish at work. unfinished nat geog mags sitting on my table. sleeping. sleepppppppppppyyyy

Omg, this is so totally therapeutic. therapathetic.therapath, there a path to sleep. Goodnight, lists! Till we meet again!

Choosing lines.

It's a thin line between polar opposites. Haven't you felt so happy you ended up feeling bad? Then maybe you haven't been truly happy at all. Or maybe this form of happiness is just one of many, this form that takes the life out of you because you've got a quick glimpse of what could have been if you chose to live.

what if we love someone we cant be with, and choose to be with someone we cant love? What if miserable fragments of life are part of a not-so-miserable whole?

Could we perhaps feel so sad we end up feeling good?

things fall apart.

sometimes it really feels as if the world is coming to an end.

i'm enraged by the nonsensically heinous killings. how, stupid stupid fools, could you? and those heaving at your feet, wide-eyed, not understanding why death should choose them - they did nothing.

this senselessness renders me speechless. it could have been anyone. it could have been me, or someone dear, and it doesn't make any sense. have we all become victims of one another, schizophrenic from the constant chaos buzzing in our ears?

amidst the paranoia and the indulgent depression, what's left of the peace-of-mind from the countryside walks?it's unsettling. Truth is, we are all the same. we are fragile, we are never really in control; we should be happy to be alive.

This goes out to everyone in the world, because someday, we would finally have to fight against something far bigger together.

Green day - Wake me up when September ends

Move aside, blah movie posters!

Now here are some rockin' movie posters of late that really caught my eye.

In Brad Pitt's words, "this is the shit, man!"

Hello good friends.

dear friends (only!),

if you fancy some virtual vicarious adventure to kill your time with, do swing by http://www.flickr.com/photos/whodrankmycoffee

start from the last page n go upward (i've absolutely no idea how to do it the other way round. if u do, plsssssss feel free to drop me sth!) And there u have it - my lil private guide to france :)

And the juiciest part of it all: the comments, yes!!!!!!!!!

Enjoy!

Going vintage.

One trip was all it took to rekindle my love for the vintage.


How absolutely delectable!

the north pole.

I wouldn't mind huggin' a polar bear prancing on icebergs if it promises not to claw, but taking a flight out to freeze myself all the way in the N.P.?Uhm, think i'll pass, thank u. Not like the fridge at home can't do the same.

But if there's this one thing that would sweep me off my feet and have me beggin to be likened to a bag of frozen sausages, it would have to be the aurora borealis. The search for magic since we were little has never quite worn off now, has it?

Dancing lights, oh show me your secret!

Squashed #11: DJ Sunday

Sunday’s Playlist – a random collection of what works on a sweltering Sunday spent holing up in a lil air-conditioned cubicle doing .

Oh geez! Not THAT word, silly! Work, geez, work!!!

1. Augustana – Boston
2. Snow Patrol – Chasing Cars
3. Jason Mraz – I’m Yours
4. Lene Marlin – Another Day
5. Jamie Scott & The Town – Runaway Train
6. The Script – The Man Who Can’t Be Moved
7. Chris Brown – With You
8. The Format – Dead End
9. Hellogoodbye – Baby, It’s Fact
10. Green Day – Wake Me Up When September Ends (if only someone would!!)

twinkle twinkle.

so it's u after all, lil star.
ur so dear, but yet so far.
if i had a wish to wish,
upon u
i shall very much wish for u.
and we'd see it come true
under the blanketful of stars.